


Kiss me under the mistletoe~.

by RussianSunflower3



Series: Winter and December and Christmas, Oh My! [21]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boys Kissing, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, KISSletoe, Kindaichi's big gay crush on literally everyone, Mistle-FOE, MistleTOCHUS, Mistletoe, Platonic Kissing, RIP Kindaichi, The usual Seijou mischief, mistletoe game, too gay to function, winter prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-19 12:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13123494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianSunflower3/pseuds/RussianSunflower3
Summary: When you have 3 types of mistletoe, it's only common sense to assign each one a different purpose, right?... Right?Well, that's what Hanamaki and Matsukawa have decided anyways, and their little bit of mischief might have a few (hilarious) consequences.





	Kiss me under the mistletoe~.

Considering there was still two hours until practice started, there was no reason for the lights to be on in the Aobajousai changing room. Or the clubroom. Or the gymnasium. There was no reason, and yet…

“I think I can squeeze in one more over here…”

“We got a green one or blue one left.”

“Eh, let’s go green.” Matsukawa passes up their little surprise and Hanamaki pins it to the string hanging from the ceiling. With a grin, he puts his hands on his hips. The _entire gym_ is covered with fake mistletoe hanging from the ceiling by string, in three varieties. One with ordinary green leaves, one with red, and one with blue.

“Perfect~.”

“Now we go back to the clubroom and wait.” Since the clubroom was the first place anyone went to, checking the notice board for any announcements from the coaches, it was the ideal place to wait. Matsukawa popped his head into the changing room on the way, making sure all the mistletoe had stayed attached to the ceiling. 

The changing room was nowhere near as full as the gymnasium, with three neat, orderly diagonal lines. It would be physically impossible to get in or out without interacting with _someone_. 

Entering the clubroom, it was immediately noticeable that there was just the one. One lone fake mistletoe, the generic green leaves and white berries. Matsukawa and Hanamaki have their beanbags set up underneath it, complete with a blanket to share and a thermos for each of them.

“We’ve got 2 hours. Do we nap or do we send vaguely ominous messages to the group chat?”

“I love the way you think. But we can’t give too much away.” Hanamaki pauses to think, one finger tapping against his lips. He perks up when he thinks of something, grabbing his phone to send off a message.

_Big ol’ creampuff_ : sɐɯʇsıɹɥɔ ʎɹɹǝɯ ( ͜。 ͡ʖ ͜。)

_Lil’ creampuff_ : What did you do.

Hanamaki laughs at the immediate accusation from Yahaba, turning his phone to show Matsukawa. 

“Pffft. He’s up early… I didn’t think anyone else would be awake.”

“I guess they would be… Y‘know, with morning jogs, trains to catch, the impending doom that it’s almost our last practice as a whole team… Before… Graduation...”

“... You made yourself sad, didn’t you?” Hanamaki sniffles and nods, Matsukawa rolling his eyes and slinging an arm around him, pulling him in close.

“C’mere, you dunce.” He tugs Hanamaki almost into his lap, melting against each other, and presses their foreheads together. Gently, he connects their lips with the sweetest of kisses, just offering Hanamaki comfort. 

“Thanks, Issei~.”

“No problem, ‘Hiro. Don’t get jealous if I have to kiss someone else though.” Hanamaki snorts, pinching Matsukawa’s stomach through his uniform.

“If that was an issue, I wouldn’t have come up with the mistletoe idea in the first place.”

“Oh? And what if _I_ get jealous of you?”

“You wouldn’t because you know you’re the only one I love romantically, and you love the team too much to get angry at them~.”

“Damn, I have been **Read**.” Hanamaki chuckles warmly, nuzzling against Matsukawa’s collarbone affectionately.

“You know it, babe.” For a moment, it’s silent, Hanamaki sending the same message to the group chat over and over again, and Matsukawa resting with his eyes closed, circling his thumb over Hanamaki’s hip as he very lightly dozes, ready to snap into action at any point.

“Okay, so… Somehow ‘merry christmas’ upside down was too suspicious, because Iwaizumi is coming straight here after his jog?”

“There’s nothing straight about that boy.” Snorting in laughter, Hanamaki lifts his phone to show Matsukawa the message.

_ChunkyBoi_ : I know you’re up to something, I can see your phone location at the school. Stay right where you are, I’m on my way.

“Ask him to spank you.”

“I can do one better than that.”

_Big ol’ creampuff_ : Punish me Daddy

_Watarararari_ : Why would you say that…

_Watarararari_ : There are children in this chat…

_MadDog_ : Because he’s disgusting, that’s why.

_Big ol’ creampuff_ : I’m wounded.

_Lil’ creampuff_ : Then perish.

“Oh my **God**! Issei, I’ve been out-memed!”

“Dear god, it’s the end of the world.” 

“I think… I’m just going to let them think I’ve died for now.” Locking and sliding his phone away, Hanamaki nestles back against Matsukawa, sapping up his warmth and pressing tiny butterfly kisses to his jawline. They are under the mistletoe, after all.

A rattling breaks them apart, the distinct sound of a key in the door from where they’ve locked it again from the inside. They laugh under their breath as they rearrange themselves, wrapping themselves around each other as if they’ve been entangled forever. Just as Iwaizumi opens the door, they kiss, but not in a cute way. They purposely make hilarious noises, not elegant in the slightest.

“You two… You’re disgusting.” The deadpan tone of Iwaizumi’s voice breaks through their acting, and they burst into laughter, falling away from each other. Matsukawa recovers first and points at the mistletoe above their heads.

“Just doing what we’re supposed to~.” Iwaizumi sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

“This is going to start riots. Although… I’m surprised it’s easily avoidable.” Their matching smirks paired with large, empty bags behind them have him rapidly losing hope.

“What did you do with the rest of it? What _is_ the rest of it?” The duo lean forwards with their twin expressions of mischief, Matsukawa wriggling his eyebrows and Hanamaki practically glittering.

“There just so happened to be a sale at the poundstore~...”

“Buy 10, get 10 free, y’know.”

“So we sort of… Brought all the fake mistletoe out of stock.”

“There were three colours, so we assigned them a purpose each.” They pause, looking at each other, and Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow.

“... And the purposes?” Matsukawa shrugs, relaxing back into his beanbag and tugging the blanket up to his chin for warmth. Hanamaki taps the side of his nose, but Iwaizumi glares, and he holds his hands up in surrender instead.

“Ahahaha… It’s kinda long to explain, so we’d rather wait until the others are here too…” Rolling his eyes with a snort of disbelief, Iwaizumi plonks himself in the corner and opens up last months Volleyball Monthly. 

It’s a long wait for someone else to arrive, but luckily, Matsukawa packed snacks. It does land Iwaizumi lots of kisses though, wet, sloppy smacks to his cheeks and gross licks over his forehead whenever he comes near the mistletoe. He quickly learns to use the broom pole to drag the snack tray closer if he wants some without the toll of sloppy kisses.

“Open the door carefully. You never know what the demons have planned.”

“Demons? That’s a little harsh, coming from someone who told me to _perish_.”

“Yes, well, could you blame me?” Yahaba stares at them, unimpressed, Watari and Kyoutani behind him. They look around the room cautiously, only catching on when Matsukawa points upwards.

“... That’s it? That’s why you decided to spread paranoia via chat?”

“I wouldn’t say paranoia-”

“Kindaichi’s freaking out, Oikawa’s making it worse with theories, Kunimi’s refusing to get involved.” Iwaizumi swears from his corner, grabbing his phone to join the chat and smooth things over. Watari bounces over to read over his shoulder - with permission, of course - whilst Yahaba responsibly checks the pinboard for any information.

“Ah, Irihata put the time we need to be here for final scrimmage up.” As Kyoutani comes over to check, he makes the mistake of getting too close to the mistletoe. Any sane person would probably have ignored it, or pretended they hadn’t seen, but it was long decided by the club that Hanamaki was the furthest thing from sanity.

“Kissletoe attack!” Kyoutani doesn’t even have time to process what’s happening before there’s an arm around his waist, tugging him into Hanamaki’s lap, and a playful, slobbery smooch on his cheek. Hanamaki bursts out laughing as Kyoutani leaps away with an obvious blush.

“What the-?! You-!!!” 

“Awww, I got a puppy kiss~!”

“Makki, leave him alone.” Kyoutani furiously wipes at his cheeks, retreating to Iwaizumi’s side where he won’t be at risk of mistletoe. Iwaizumi looks to the clubroom door just as it swings open, proof that he’s been texting Oikawa. He launches the magazine.

“Shittykawa! What were you doing sending the first years into panic?!”

“Ow, Iwa-chan! It was just a little fun and- Ooh! Mistletoe!” Oikawa sauntered right over to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, squeezing into the space between them and slinging an arm over each of their shoulders.

“Lay those smackaroos on me, boys!” Hanamaki and Matsukawa make eye contact over Oikawa’s head, internally debating whether their plan is actually affecting Oikawa in any way or not. It’s hard to tell sometimes, with his overly-affectionate manner. Shrugging, they give him the smooches he so desires in turn, gently kissing his lips before giving Iwaizumi matching smirks. He simply rolls his eyes.

“Wha-?! Iwa-chan, are you not jealous?!”

“No? Why would I? It’s just a platonic kiss, so I don’t mind.” Oikawa stares at him blankly until he shrugs. It’s a fair point. There’s nothing wrong with friends kissing.

“Good morning…” The clubroom door opens a slither, Kindaichi poking his head in nervously. It seems to be his natural disposition whenever Hanamaki and Matsukawa are plotting something. He looks around, notices how relaxed everyone else is and the one, single mistletoe. His shoulders relax and he steps in like normal.

Just behind him, Kunimi freezes, eyes on the mistletoe.

“...No.” He turns on foot and goes to walk out before Kindaichi grabs the back of his collar and drags him back in.

“It’s just one, you can avoid it.” Kunimi dryly glares, his tone venomous when he speaks.

“It’s Matsukawa and _Hanamaki_. Do you really think there’s just one?” Hanamaki grins. Matsukawa smirks. The team swivels their heads around to them, the question hanging over the duo accusingly. Watari finds his voice first.

“How many are there, senpai?”

“Oh, not many~.”

“ _How_ many?” 

“Just about… 250~.” Deafening silence. The atmosphere of the room drops whilst the intensity rises. Iwaizumi cracks his knuckles threateningly.

“Where are they?” Matsukawa waves a hand around nonchalantly, as if waving away the tension. The only ones not affected are the troublemakers themselves, and Oikawa, who _adores_ affection in every form.

“Just… Y’know. Dotted around.”

“ _Where_?” With an exaggerated sigh, Hanamaki throws his head back and sinks deeper into his bean bag. 

“Can we explain the rules first?” Iwaizumi glares a little harder, but gives his gruff approval to hear the ‘rules’ before he passes judgement.

“Since everyone is here and we don’t have to explain it twice, here goes: We got three different colours.”

“There’s green like the one above us-”

“Kissletoe, for your traditional kissing purposes!”

“- Blue -”

“Oooh, this one’s my favourite! Mistle _foe_! You gotta arm wrestle!” Iwaizumi’s lips twitch upwards, eyes glinting with challenge, and the team know he’s been won over.

“- and finally red.”

“Mistle-tochus! Issei’s favourite - ass smacking!” Just to make his point, Matsukawa smacks his hand down against Hanamaki’s side - not really his butt, but close enough to make a point. Kunimi turns around and walks out. Kindaichi doesn’t stop him this time, instead looking like he’s about to make the same decision.

“... Considering it’s you two, I expected much worse.” Kyoutani grunts at Yahaba, gesturing towards the empty plastic bags.

“Did you miss the part where they said _Two hundred and fifty_ of these mistletoe things?”

“Okay, so it’s pretty unavoidable. But again, it’s not that bad.”

“Unavoidable.” Yahaba’s quiet for a second, and then he nods, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

“Okay, it’s pretty bad. But the gymnasium is big enough that it shouldn’t interfere with practice too much.”

“Coach will get mad if practice keeps getting interrupted…” At Kindaichi’s mumble, Hanamaki and Matsukawa look at each other with eyes wide and fearful expressions. They’d completely forgotten about getting the Coaches permission, or even warning them beforehand. Oikawa laughs.

“Ooooh, you’re gonna get in so much trouble!”

“... We’re dead, Issei. We’re so dead.” Oikawa laughs again, pushing himself up from between them to grab Iwaizumi’s wrist and drag him out the clubroom.

“We’ll try to catch them before they enter the gym!”

“Wait, we?”

“Come up with a good excuse about Christmas and team bonding, ‘kay?” 

“Oikawa, you’re amazing!”

“What a champ.” Oikawa smirks, a dangerous glint in his eyes. He won’t let them forget they’ve said that. _Ever_.

“I know~. Now try and find Kunimi-chan before he leaves school grounds.”

It takes a good fifteen minutes of searching, but they eventually convince Kindaichi to help out and he finds his best friend in a matter of seconds, crouched down in a locker reading on his phone, pouting as he’s exposed to the world.

“Come on. You’ll get in trouble if you slack off.” The whole time Kindaichi walks him back to the changing rooms, Kunimi grinds his teeth together in the way that Kindaichi hates, just to get back at him. It’s when they step into the changing rooms that the situation really sinks in.

Because Kyoutani is walking out just as Kindaichi steps in, and Hanamaki laughs as he points to the mistletoe in the doorway. The _two_ types of mistletoe. Green and red.

“Go Kyoutani, go!”

“Run for your life, Kindaichi!” The first year almost bolts, but Kunimi is standing behind him, snickering in revenge as he shoves his friend forwards, right into Kyoutani. Watari whistles and Kyoutani glares over his shoulder at him, but even he has a little christmas spirit.

And, well, he can’t deny the mistletoe.

Matsukawa holds up his phone to take a photo just as Kyoutani grabs Kindaichi’s tie, pulling him down and clumsily crashing their lips together. At the same time, he taps his hand gently against the first year’s butt, not enough to qualify as a smack but fulfilling the mistle-tochus requirements either way.

With nothing but a tiny blush on his cheeks, Kyoutani releases him and casually heads into the gymnasium. Kindaichi, glowing as red as _lava_ , and probably burning the same temperature stands in the doorway, flustered and babbling nonsense, trying to work out what exactly just happened.

Kunimi breaks into howls of laughter, and Watari trots over, a skip in his step to give Kindaichi a gentle peck on the lips and _smack_ his backside with a twisted towel, whistling as he heads into the gymnasium after Kyoutani. Yahaba rolls his eyes before following suit, a firmer but no less kind kiss to now-bruised lips, and an encouraging pat on the butt. 

Kunimi has to lean against the wall to stay standing, laughing so hard that he wheezes, physically pained by the force of his own laughter as Kindaichi just stands there, baffled and flustered. He looks like he could explode, or steam could come out his ears. 

“You alive, kid?” A small high-pitched squeak is Matsukawa’s answer, and he chuckles warmly.

“Come away from the door unless you want it to happen again~.” Kindaichi awkwardly shuffles in further, and it’s as he sits down on the bench that he finally processes what just happened. He buries his lava-red face in his hands, and screams quietly into them, sinking to the floor.

“Oh man, this is the most embarrassed I’ve ever seen you. You okay?” Hanamaki crouches next to him in concern, although it barely shows through the grin of amusement at seeing him like this. Kunimi snorts as he enters the changing room, dodging each and every one of the mistletoe like some kind of ninja.

“He’s fine. Just excessively gay.” Humming teasingly in thought, Hanamaki rests his chin in one hand and pats Kindaichi’s back with the other.

“Don’t mind, don’t mind~. Feel free to combust, but no death allowed~.” Kindaichi just takes a deep breath before screaming into his hands again.

Practice resumes as normal once everyone is in the gym, Iwaizumi and Oikawa having taken down most of the mistletoe under the Coaches instructions, but a few remain. What nobody realises is, throughout the duration of practice, Mizoguchi keeps a tally on his clipboard.

Those who wasted the most time today - along with the mischief makers who made it possible in the first place - were going to be put through _hell_ tomorrow. 

He feels a little sorry for Kindaichi, who keeps forgetting about the mistletoe and getting caught out, spending most of his time in the corner - facing the wall and knocking his head against it - screaming quietly into his hands with a prominent blush. He spends a good five minutes curled up happily crying when he gets kissed by Iwaizumi. He’s… Not very good at hiding his puppy-like crush.

Oikawa _intentionally_ goes out of his way to get caught under the green and blue ones, slapping behinds and stealing kisses like he could make a living out of it. Just like Oikawa, Iwaizumi is also intentionally getting caught under the mistletoe, but only the _red_ ones. Kyoutani and Hanamaki challenge him the most, yet Iwaizumi remains the arm wrestling champ no matter how hard they try - even with two hands.

In fourth place for time wasting is Kyoutani, simply because he spent a full ten minutes bickering with Yahaba about who lead the kiss, and then later on spent another five minutes smacking each other, not just on the buttcheeks or with flat hands. They had to be physically separated by their senpai. Atop the arm wrestling with Iwaizumi and Hanamaki, it’s enough to put Kyoutani in a solid fourth position for time-wasting.

Yahaba follows, for the same reasons as Kyoutani but with much, _much_ less arm wrestling.

Hanamaki and Watari draw in sixth, neither of them too bothered by the blue mistletoe, though Hanamaki makes an effort to get caught under the red (losing every time), and Watari hovers around the green mistletoe. His kisses are long but sweet, conveying all the love he has for his friends and the team he considers family.

Matsukawa will probably only be forced to run one extra lap, considering he only wasted a tiny bit of time lavishing Hanamaki with dramatic, passionate kisses, or pecking Oikawa, Watari, and Kindaichi on the lips. 

And Kunimi… 

Mizoguchi is slightly irked to admit that the laziest one on the team is the only one going _without_ the punishment of no extra training. No one knows how he managed it, but Kunimi avoided _every single_ mistletoe. _**Every single one**_.

“Gather round!” Irihata calls the practice to a close, and the team comes over to listen to his feedback, only to be met with their coaches grinning at each other like Matsukawa and Hanamaki had been that morning. The grins that mean _trouble_.

“Now, since you’ve been having so much fun with your little gimmick, we thought we’d have a little fun of our own.” The team pales, none more so than Matsukawa and Hanamaki, although Oikawa is close behind.

“Oh god no…” The whisper only draws a laugh from Irihata and Mizoguchi demonically flips the clipboard around to show them his tally chart. Kindaichi gulps and chokes back a possible sob, Oikawa gains a challenging glint in his eyes, and Iwaizumi huffs as if to announce that he could do this easily. 

“Of course, since they planned it all out, Hanamaki and Matsukawa will be on set up duty, as well as cleaning up, manager duties, and I think the clubroom was due for a major overhaul this week~.” The duo look at each other and groan, leaning against each other in regret. 

“Merry frickin’ Christmas, Issei.”

“... Merry goddamn Christmas, ‘Hiro.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please Kudos/Comment!!!  
> If you're avoiding family like I am, we can share headcanons!!!! 
> 
> Merry Christmas to those that celebrate it, and Happy Holidays to anyone celebrating other important events!


End file.
